They say death begins with the process of birth. A concept hard to accept as we watch the young grow, change and flourish. But as with birth, death is an inevitable fact-and one we are never really prepared for.

Even when anticipated, the passing of our bunny companions is always unexpected. Rabbits-low on the predatory scale-hide their symptoms of illness until they are so desperately ill they don't have the strength or the will to continue the facade. Unless we are keenly aware of their efforts to deceive, we may often miss the subtle signs, thinking our rabbit is just not feeling well today ("If he's not feeling better tomorrow, I'll take him to the vet"). Unfortunately, tomorrow brings the sadness and horror of a lost companion.

Grief isn't reserved only for the loss of human loved ones. The loss of our bunny companions is equally devastating. The grief process-shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression, silence and tears-is the same. Under these circumstances, dealing objectively with what to do next presents a sadly daunting challenge. Better that we investigate our options before that sad day comes.

If the death occurs at the veterinarian's office, we often leave the physical remains with the veterinarian. A necropsy may be performed to determine the cause of death, especially important in multi-bunny households and foster homes to insure a communicable disease wasn't the culprit. Sometimes we just need to know why, especially when the death came swiftly and without warning. Healing can begin with an understanding of why. What happened? And especially the comfort of knowing our rabbit's death wasn't something we could have prevented. If it was, we can learn from our mistakes and provide a better home for our next rabbit.

At the veterinarian's office, suffering from shock and grief, we usually don't delve deeply into how our pet's remains are disposed of. For those of us comfortable with recycling, a service is available that serves that purpose. The remains of our friend join other companion pets whose bodies are recycled into commercial products. This process of recycling is neither right nor wrong. The choice is personal.

We may have a home where we can bury our bunny's remains in the back yard in a favorite or comforting spot. Though back yard burial is not legal, it is not often an enforceable offense. But if you move, then what? How will you preserve the sanctity of your pet's final resting place?

San Diego is home to two pet cemeteries-a formal, eternal resting place. Interment, entombment, cremation and inurnment are all available to us. We can choose an elaborate casket, have a final memorial in a small pet chapel and have our rabbit buried-his or her grave marked with a beautiful granite marker. Or, we can have the casket containing our pet's remains entombed within a mausoleum.

Cremation is another alternative. Once the process is complete, we have four options: The ashes can be placed in an urn of our choice and buried with a granite marker to mark the spot; the ashes and urn can be placed in the columbarium (as the casket would be in the mausoleum), with a brass plaque marker; you can take the ashes and urn home with you to reside with you where ever you may move; or the ashes can be scattered at the cemetery or in your backyard.

Just as with humans, pre-need planning is available, thus avoiding emotional decisions at a time of crisis. Arrangements can be made and paid for in anticipation of that eventual day. Arrangements paid for in advance protect you from inflation and guarantee today's prices in the future.

Before there is an immediate need, you should weigh the options, including visiting the two parks. Talk to the staff, walk around the grounds, observe the facilities. Compare, evaluate, and decide upon a final disposition for your pet before the time comes and the decisions are more difficult. You are strongly urged to visit both sites before you decide.

For instance, my ancient cat died of old age this summer (18 years old). After all the her devoted years, I felt she deserved a lasting tribute. I decided to have her cremated and called both cemeteries ahead of time, shopping prices. I was trying to be practical and not emotional (although my voice was shaking as I made my queries). The difference in cost was $10.

My cat passed away on a Friday night. Saturday morning I drove across the county to the cemetery I was more familiar with-it also happened to be the less expensive one. It was closed. I phoned the emergency number to find out what to do-I was at the cemetery with an immediate need. I was assured someone would call me right back. They did.

However, when the cemetery representative showed up 30 minutes later, he tried to charge me an unexpected $30 extra for an "off-hours call" (Saturday morning is off hours? Not to me.)-a 60% surcharge on the $50 cremation cost quoted me on the phone. While the representative was polite, I wasn't comfortable with the sales approach. But what now?

My poor old cat was still with me in the back of the car. At this point, I set out to find the other cemetery I had heard of, but had never seen. Luckily, it was only a couple of miles away.

I found the difference in the two facilities and the attitudes of the staff to be like night and day. One facility cremated in a modified 55-gallon drum (reminiscent of a barbecue); the other had a proper retort. One is dark and in disrepair; the other is a located in a wildlife preserve in a sunny dell. The end results are the same, but the additional $10 bought me added comfort and piece of mind.

San Diego Pet Memorial Park and Sorrento Valley Pet Cemetery are both in the Sorrento Valley area on different sides of Interstate 805 at Mira Mesa Boulevard. Please visit them and make your own decision.

The final option of preserving your bunny's memory is The Virtual Pet Cemetery on the World Wide Web. The Virtual Pet Cemetery gives us the opportunity to offer a tribute to our pets: "All of us, at one time or another, have had a pet we loved and lost. This home page is dedicated to all those given a shabby burial in the backyard or flushed down the toilet."

You may write a eulogy and preserve it in virtual reality, complete with photographs, at no charge, published at the discretion of the page's owner.

The greatest tribute to a lost loved one is finding another to love. The desire to regain lost happiness is a statement of how much we enjoyed the lost relationship. When the day comes that your heart is healing, remember the best memorial to a cherished rabbit companion is opening your home and heart to another bunny. Enhance your tribute by adopting a cast-off Easter bunny from one of our many, over-populated shelters or House Rabbit Foster Homes. You will never replace the individual, but you will find challenges, enchantment and entertainment in your new companion.

And Lily Cesak, this is your tribute. You were found hungry, lost and scared in the streets and were taken in by two wonderful, caring people who gave you the best life a little rabbit could ever wish for. But what you added to their lives was immeasurable! And you left them with loving memories in which you will live with them forever. Rest peacefully, little one.

by Libby Donovan